I recently read a quote about how people get tired not because of doing too much work but because of doing less of what sparks light in them. So…

I tried drawing again.

March for March.

Ever thought of having power to control the universe? I did.

In fact I believe that it was me who is responsible for this pandemic. 😅

One day in the pre-pandemic year, I was walking home and a couple laughed at me for wearing a mask. I wear mask because of my allergies, too sensitive to dust. So to avoid sleepless nights I just prefer wearing masks.

I was so angry inside that time. Tho I did not show, just continued walking. But I guess the universe felt my anger and let the pandemic happen forcing everyone else in the world wear masks. Hahahahahahaha

Yes, the animals are important.

Yes, the trees are important.

Yes, the ocean is important.

But you…

Are important, too.

In the sets of the Toaru series, it was Accelator’s series that I first discovered. Then my curiosity about the 10031 deaths led me to Index and then Railgun.

But, I lost interest in Index’s series and was not able to finish S3, but finished Railgun’s.

Ma, may mali yata sa akin. Mukang ayaw ako ng mga tao.

Pero hindi ko alam kung ano.

Hindi naman kasi nila sinabi,

Basta nawala na lang sila.

When I was in college, I made a list of the things I wanted to do after studying. One of that is creating my own anime. To do that I know I have to enhance my drawing skill first and also my imagination to create a good story.

At that time I was already trying to create my own characters but only have ballpen for my ink so my colors are limited to black, blue and violet. (That’s so weird, I have a violet but no red. Haha) So my next goal was getting more colors.

That goal was achieved by the time I was already working as a teacher. Another teacher gave me a set of pencil color, oil pastel and water color, a sketch pad and a pair of charcoal pencils as a gift for Christmas. She said it was because she noticed that my desk had lots of drawings. I did not stay long in that job tho and it was only a part time one. I left and pursue graduate studies. Well, allowance for that is 2x more than staying in the job so why not. 😉

Graduate school was not easy for me. It’s the first time I was having problems with studying. But at least even for once a month I was able to draw something. At those times, I was just drawing to relax my self. I think I totally lost hope in my dream.

Yup, lost it. If it is not possible in grad school even though I got lots of free time, I don’t think it will be possible if I have 40hrs of work every week and weekends are occupied by house chores. And if I will have extra free time I would just want to sleep. (Not very productive 😉)

Then the pandemic hit. Since I will just be staying at home I definitely got extra free times. So I bought a digital tablet and started digital drawing to once again spark a hope for my dream. (I read somewhere that I should be setting a small easily attainable goal for that something I really wanted to do. And now that I am already earning buying something is very attainable. 😉)

I also moved to a place of my own so that I could set up my workstations. I was only sharing a place with a relative before so my space is limited. (I already bought a keyboard, if I add one more table there won’t be space left for me to move. The keyboard is for another story. 😜)

I thought moving will help me achieve more of my goals, I was wrong! Maintaining a house by myself is hard. Instead of more free time, I had more chores! 😅 I’m back to just one good art per month. But these were not digital. My digital art is still not as good as my drawings on paper.

For 2021, I set goals to draw at least one digital art and one traditional art every month. And before the last days of 2020 I created an Instagram account for my drawings to motivate myself to update regularly. But that only work for the first two months. Weekly drawings stopped by the 3rd month.

The phone I recently bought was not compatible with the drawing tablet. I specifically bought that tablet so that it will be possible to draw on phone even when in bed. I have free time after work, but at those times my body wants to lie down so I had to draw in bed if I want to.

So I was back to planning. Should I sell the phone and buy a different one? Or sell the tablet and buy the canvas type? Or should I just give up?

Giving up is not an option, even if I tried. I might have given up/stopped with the other dreams, but this one is something that my system won’t try to not do. There will always be a voice saying I want to draw this, draw that.

Ok fine. Let’s do it in paper.

Drawing on paper needs a desk and a place that I could easily clean. Dusts from my eraser is always too much. 😆 So I will need to remove the set up on one of my tables. Thus, I can only do this on a day off. (Or probably should set up a new one. 😉)

And so, today not only that I produced an art more stunning than anything before, but also I am more determined not to ever give up. I am still not sure if I can really do it, but I will always try.

(Why not just be very determined to achieve it? 🤭)

I’m just happy I can still hear the rain.

someone gave me a heart. However,

the heart was empty.

Years later, in a new town,

I found a heart with a hole.

I filled the hole with clay

and painted the heart new.

One rainy day, the heart got wet.

The clay melted.

I realized,

the heart was perfect with the hole.

It was night

But even darker because of the thick clouds

I was there beside him

He was looking for the stars

That moment is pinned in my mind until now: red sofa, wine shelf, and then you.

In my past relationships, I have prayed to God to bless it but if He wants to end it I will gladly accept. All the relationships ended. But at some point I was not glad. I was angry most of the time, to myself. I almost hurt myself, but God is good. Actually, God is really in control. He made certain preparations so that I would be able to control myself when the time comes. And I did.

Mom was probably right that someone else out there is praying harder. God is blessing his prayers, while teaching me lessons and, again, making preparations for me to meet him. I still need to grow in faith, serve the Lord and be the right person for him.

I thank God that He is indeed in control, because I can worry less, and eventually I hope that I will learn how to worry no more, for He is in control.

Live the life He entrusted to you. Serve Him with all your heart and you will be happy.

God bought you for a price.

There is no love greater than laying ones life for a friend.

Jesus died for you.

For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.

You are valuable.

Stop living a lie.

That truth about you is that there is a God, the Lord your God, who values you. By how much? It cost Him his one and only son.

You’re even made in the image and likeness of God.

Do not forget that.

The world will hurt you, will make you dirty, will try to kill you, but your value, in the eyes of God, will never change.

Let the truth set you free.